Wow, only five different fonts for all that text? And no Bleeping Cowboys? Bonus points for Papyrus, though. On a Western. Oh shit, I just figured it out. ‘A Town Called’ font is for ‘Clean and Wholesome’, ‘Hope’ font is for ‘Western’, Papyrus is for ‘Historical’, and the title font is for ‘Romance’. I don’t know if I should be impressed or outraged.
I just love the way that crutch is tacked onto that not very Western looking bride. And that she looks a lot taller than him #perspectiveIsHard
Nicola Cuti
7 years ago
A very cluttered cover. The type is nearly all the same size and do we need all that information? Just give the title, author and maybe a small blurb with some clever catch line. Even the figures are too even in size and lighting.
Lydia
7 years ago
If this is supposed to be the 19th century, and I think “Mail Order Brides” says it is, that is not not not a 19th century wedding dress.
It’s time, Nathan. You need to set up a 12-Step Group for font abuser/addicts. I realize that there’s a fine line between a font addict {ahem…nervously clears throat} and a font abuser, but…we should develop a set of criteria.
“The first sign of font abuse is the appearance of Papyrus. Some abusers may try to deflect suspicion, by deploying other fonts, such as Comic Sans, but the basic behavior is the same. The chronic abuser will actually know, and have partaken of, the font called ‘Lobster,” and usually, will show unmistakable signs of having sniffed Lucida Calligraphy. Abusers will further deny that there is such a thing as a bad font, and, instead, claim that even fonts such as Bleeping Cowboys are wonderful if used in moderation.”
Yup, the time has come. Hmmmmmm…what shall we call it? Not Fonts Anonymous. We need something more appropriate so that the casual font abuser–someone just experimenting–will understand the seriousness of over-indulgence in fonts and recognize the symptoms.
I can hear the chanting now…”I recognize that I am powerless over my use of Fonts…”
(Says the bookmaker with more than 4,000 fonts in her Font Suitcase…and, say what you will, we all liked Bleeping Cowboys, until it was bloody everywhere, like Papryus.)
Now I see she has her hand on the porch post; she is too tall to fit on the porch, in normal Euclidean geometry. But in the non-Euclidean geometry of a Cthulhu domain …
I am beginning to think “cut and paste” is not adequate to tag the grosser violations of perspective and proportion we are seeing today.
These modern indie writers and their drawn-out titles and subtitles?
Ha!
Mere pikers compared to the grand master Edgar Allan Poe and the title page of:
The Narrative of Arthur Gordon Pym.
Of Nantucket.
Comprising the Details of a Mutiny and Atrocious Butchery on Board the American Brig Grampus, on her Way to the South Seas, in the Month of June, 1827.
With an Account of the Recapture of the Vessel by the Survivers; Their Shipwreck and Subsequent Horrible Sufferings from Famine; Their Deliverence by Means of the British Schooner Jane Guy; the Brief Cruise of this Latter Vessel in the Antarctic Ocean; her Capture, and the Massacre of her Crew among a Group of Islands in the Eighty-Fourth Parallel of Southern Latitude; together with the Incredible Adventures and Discoveries still further South to which that Distressing Calamity Gave Rise.
New-York: Harper & Brothers, 82 Cliff-St. 1838.
Wow, only five different fonts for all that text? And no Bleeping Cowboys? Bonus points for Papyrus, though. On a Western. Oh shit, I just figured it out. ‘A Town Called’ font is for ‘Clean and Wholesome’, ‘Hope’ font is for ‘Western’, Papyrus is for ‘Historical’, and the title font is for ‘Romance’. I don’t know if I should be impressed or outraged.
I just love the way that crutch is tacked onto that not very Western looking bride. And that she looks a lot taller than him #perspectiveIsHard
A very cluttered cover. The type is nearly all the same size and do we need all that information? Just give the title, author and maybe a small blurb with some clever catch line. Even the figures are too even in size and lighting.
If this is supposed to be the 19th century, and I think “Mail Order Brides” says it is, that is not not not a 19th century wedding dress.
Reviewing the saddle section of the 1897 Sears, Roebuck and Co. catalog, I’m ready to question the 19th centuriness of that horse saddle, too.
It’s time, Nathan. You need to set up a 12-Step Group for font abuser/addicts. I realize that there’s a fine line between a font addict {ahem…nervously clears throat} and a font abuser, but…we should develop a set of criteria.
“The first sign of font abuse is the appearance of Papyrus. Some abusers may try to deflect suspicion, by deploying other fonts, such as Comic Sans, but the basic behavior is the same. The chronic abuser will actually know, and have partaken of, the font called ‘Lobster,” and usually, will show unmistakable signs of having sniffed Lucida Calligraphy. Abusers will further deny that there is such a thing as a bad font, and, instead, claim that even fonts such as Bleeping Cowboys are wonderful if used in moderation.”
Yup, the time has come. Hmmmmmm…what shall we call it? Not Fonts Anonymous. We need something more appropriate so that the casual font abuser–someone just experimenting–will understand the seriousness of over-indulgence in fonts and recognize the symptoms.
I can hear the chanting now…”I recognize that I am powerless over my use of Fonts…”
(Says the bookmaker with more than 4,000 fonts in her Font Suitcase…and, say what you will, we all liked Bleeping Cowboys, until it was bloody everywhere, like Papryus.)
Imagine the flyers for that meeting. (I’d rather not.)
What about someone who… umm… made her own font? o.o
*raises hand sheepishly*
I once made a font of my brother’s crabbed handwriting, then printed a letter to him using it. Correcting the kerning in that was a total beyotch.
LOL! I love this.
So two authors came together and BOTH OF THEM signed off on this cover, saying, “Yup, it’s perfect. Don’t change a thing!”
Either that woman is huge, or the house she’s leaning on was built for munchkins. I’m guessing One Legged Bride is about 15 feet tall, maybe 20′.
Thee Sherriff was likely injured on the wedding night by his 15′ tall, one-legged bride.
Actually, now that I look at her more closely, I think she’s just wearing some really high heels underneath that dress.
Now I see she has her hand on the porch post; she is too tall to fit on the porch, in normal Euclidean geometry. But in the non-Euclidean geometry of a Cthulhu domain …
I am beginning to think “cut and paste” is not adequate to tag the grosser violations of perspective and proportion we are seeing today.
These modern indie writers and their drawn-out titles and subtitles?
Ha!
Mere pikers compared to the grand master Edgar Allan Poe and the title page of:
The Narrative of Arthur Gordon Pym.
Of Nantucket.
Comprising the Details of a Mutiny and Atrocious Butchery on Board the American Brig Grampus, on her Way to the South Seas, in the Month of June, 1827.
With an Account of the Recapture of the Vessel by the Survivers; Their Shipwreck and Subsequent Horrible Sufferings from Famine; Their Deliverence by Means of the British Schooner Jane Guy; the Brief Cruise of this Latter Vessel in the Antarctic Ocean; her Capture, and the Massacre of her Crew among a Group of Islands in the Eighty-Fourth Parallel of Southern Latitude; together with the Incredible Adventures and Discoveries still further South to which that Distressing Calamity Gave Rise.
New-York: Harper & Brothers, 82 Cliff-St. 1838.
They may as well just give up.
And after a title that long, he didn’t finish writing the novel.
Jules Verne and H.P. Lovecraft both wrote sequels to Pym which did end abruptly on a cliffhanger.
This isn’t a title, it’s an outline.
That crude crutch would catapult even this gargantuan woman about five feet into the air every time she took a right step.
This made me laugh out loud. All I could think of is how do they manage to have sex, and what exactly is the nature of the sheriff’s injury. Hmmmm.
And nobody is asking why is that man carrying his saddle around? He’s not in the stables. Where’s his horse? Perhaps the saddle is hiding his injury?
A one-legged bride and an injured sheriff walk into a bar…
Well, I hope the Sheriff isn’t, uhm, injured to the point that he’s unable to give the one-legged bride a Happy Honeymoon Night. 🙁