Cry in the Wilderness (Acts of Valor, Book 3)
I can cry just fine from here, thanks.
Family Matters (A Gracie Andersen Mystery Book 1)
Don’t stand in the middle of the road during a rainstorm, you moron.
Elvis’ Escape from Dragon Dungeon (Fairytales of the Forgotten Book 1)
…but not before one foreleg was wrenched from its socket.