(Can’t really call them “winners,” can you?)
Presenting the absolute worst book covers posted in 2022, brought to you by the wisdom of crowds:
#10:
How Religion Is Wrong: Not Only Does Religion Poison Everything, It Is Wrong about Everything (originally posted October 14, 2022)
#9:
Convoy (originally posted April 22, 2022)
#8:
Butt Lovin’ Unicorn (originally posted February 2, 2022)
#7:
Homeless Fart Sex is Better Than Sex With A Billionaire Princess in Her Palace.: Homeless women also have sexual desires. Not having a home isn’t a crime. F*cking someone without a home isn’t either. (originally posted March 20, 2022)
#6:
Sandwich Me, Use Me, Sluice Me, Juice Me! Double Stuff, Triple Stuff….. Cream Inside My Dusty Muff!: An old hoarder woman gets introduced to double and triple penetration by some young studs. (originally posted March 19, 2022)
#5:
Tears and Smiles (originally posted May 28, 2022)
#4:
Mark’s Tragic Life (originally posted May 31, 2022)
#3:
Chubby Pumping: Jake goes to the buffet for a quiet lunch alone and ends up getting thighs and white breast meat! (originally posted March 22, 2022)
#2:
A Space Station Story (originally posted October 6, 2022)
#1:
The Tale of Everyman (originally posted June 16, 2022)
Special recognition to Maximilian St. John, the first author to have THREE of his covers appear in the Top Ten! His mother must be so proud.
So. Stretch out, and rinse with some eye bleach. We’ll operate a little differently for 2023, having quarterly semi-finals so you don’t have to slog through ALL the worst of the worst at once, trying to find the worst of the worst of the worst.
But now, a happier special occasion! Tomorrow begins a month of New Covers For Old!
Hooray for the wieners! And may the year of 2023 bring us more abysmal covers from the abyss!
They’re not the wieners, they’re the wurst.
Don’t be such a Brat!
Good news: some of these covers have since been replaced, and will therefore be featured in the upcoming New Covers For Old posts.
Bad news: the replacements are not improvements.
Honestly, I could go the rest of my life without seeing Chubby Pumping again, EVER. REST of my days, laddie.
Well, good news for you on that, then: that cover has not been replaced. Evidently, Maximilian St. John likes it just the way it is… even if nobody else does.
Jesus God have mercy. Some folks… I guess when that’s your thang, that’s your thang. So to speak.
I might have ordered them slightly differently, but I can’t disagree with any of these choices.
But let’s give a hand to the real losers: us, the readers of the LBC blog, who now have these things burned into our retinas until Jesus returns to remove them.
Something else worth noting: when our esteemed host mentions Maximilian St. John’s being the first author to have three of his covers make the “top” ten, he means in the same year; in fact, Maximilian St.John also had one of his covers “win” spot #5 in last year’s contest. (Pat Powers, who snagged spot #3 last year, also had two covers make it to the finals this year, but not to the “top” ten.)
I’m also kinda surprised the “This is supposed to be a cover?” standard mostly won out over the “Augh! My eyes! My eyes!” standard this year, considering how many top slots the “Who barfed?” (or alternatively, “Ugh, I think I’m gonna barf!”) standard snagged last year.
I am uncertain if I should be impressed with your research data or concerned that you willingly expose yourself to the concentrated horror of such lousy book covers. I hope your efforts are for the betterment of science and not because of a decent into the dark side.
Quicker, easier, more seductive lousy book covers are.
Oh dear god the porn keeps getting worse.