They exist. The Mid-Atlantic Book Reviewers are held hostage on tramp steamers in the Mid-Atlantic by terroristic vanity press publishers and forced to write bogus reviews in exchange for food, water and clean undies once a week. We ought to petition NATO to stage a rescue.
Catie
9 years ago
The cover of book one is featured on book three? Wow, that’s so brilliant, I wish I thought of that. Not. And that font wouldn’t even be appropriate for a children’s book.
I’ve tried reading the blurb. Got a headache. I couldn’t understand a thing. Grammatically everything is correct, but it just makes no sense.
The blurb says: “DYNAMIC CONCLUSION TO THE PAYBACK TRILOGY Action and mystery thriller at its best in the finale to Cameron’s successful Payback Trilogy —”
Books 2 and 3 have no reviews on Amazon, and no discernable sales. Book 1 has 2 reviews, but is ranked #1,487,933 Paid in Kindle Store.
I do not think “successful” means what he thinks it means…
If you act like it, it will happen. If you act like you’re in charge, people will obey. If you act like your book is a bestseller, people will buy it. But a part of acting like a bestseller is having a bestselleresque cover. And a bestselleresque blurb. And most of all, a bestselleresque novel.
No reason why you shouldn’t manage all three. If you were able to write a good novel, what’s a few more paragraphs for the blurb? Even a pre-made cover for $30 is a passable option, as opposed to the mess above. There is no excuse for not having all three.
I completely agree. If you can write a great novel, a blurb is like a single sprinkle on a cupcake. You should also be smart enough to have a cover that isn’t going to end up here…
The problem with this novel of course is the phrase ‘you were able to write a good novel’. That would be the first step this author hasn’t done yet and they should strive for that before exploding their other covers with inception lightning.
Judging from his blurb alone it needs hours and hours and hours of work still before it got to the beta-reader stage. The second book in the series is called ‘Payback is Time to Die Again’. That isn’t a phrase that even makes any sense! If your book title needs a proofread, and you publish your book anyways, you will end up on this website.
This paperback book costs an astonishing $17.99, and the amazon page hasn’t even been set up to link to the other books in this series.
I think someone this disillusion would have no hope of completing any single step of your requirements.
Yes, it all comes back to the “if you were able to write a good novel”. If I see a terrible blurb, then chances are huge that that particular “if” hasn’t been fulfilled. Even if it’s a grammatically correct blurb that just goes on and on listing what happens in the novel, that pretty much tells me the author has no storytelling skills and the story is probably more than a little info-dumpy. So it works both ways. If you were able to write a good novel, you should be able to write a good blurb. If you are not able to write a good blurb, you’re probably unable to write a good novel as well. It’s absurd how some people don’t get that. They think a cover and a blurb is just pro forma, something the novel must have but it’s not really important.
The good thing about self-publishing is that anybody can do it. The bad thing about self-publishing is that anybody can do it.
The good thing about self-publishing is that anybody can do it. The BETTER thing about self-publishing is that anybody can do it AND MAKE MY NOVELS LOOK SO MUCH BETTER BY COMPARISON! 😀
It’s the Mid-Atlantic Book Reviewers blurb that gets me. I’ve seen it before. It doesn’t exist.
Oh, and the comic says style font? Can that just be banned from earth? Even kindergarteners are sick of it.
Agreed on both counts!
They exist. The Mid-Atlantic Book Reviewers are held hostage on tramp steamers in the Mid-Atlantic by terroristic vanity press publishers and forced to write bogus reviews in exchange for food, water and clean undies once a week. We ought to petition NATO to stage a rescue.
The cover of book one is featured on book three? Wow, that’s so brilliant, I wish I thought of that. Not. And that font wouldn’t even be appropriate for a children’s book.
I’ve tried reading the blurb. Got a headache. I couldn’t understand a thing. Grammatically everything is correct, but it just makes no sense.
Nothing says you are proud of your work like blasting it to bits with a lightning bolt!
Book three blasts the crap out of book one! It’s a better, more dynamic, more powerful book!!!!1!11!!
Such Payback. Much Vengeful. Biggest Bitter. Completely Baffling Cover. Wow.
The blurb says: “DYNAMIC CONCLUSION TO THE PAYBACK TRILOGY Action and mystery thriller at its best in the finale to Cameron’s successful Payback Trilogy —”
Books 2 and 3 have no reviews on Amazon, and no discernable sales. Book 1 has 2 reviews, but is ranked #1,487,933 Paid in Kindle Store.
I do not think “successful” means what he thinks it means…
If you act like it, it will happen. If you act like you’re in charge, people will obey. If you act like your book is a bestseller, people will buy it. But a part of acting like a bestseller is having a bestselleresque cover. And a bestselleresque blurb. And most of all, a bestselleresque novel.
Try to have at least one of three before you publish!
No reason why you shouldn’t manage all three. If you were able to write a good novel, what’s a few more paragraphs for the blurb? Even a pre-made cover for $30 is a passable option, as opposed to the mess above. There is no excuse for not having all three.
I completely agree. If you can write a great novel, a blurb is like a single sprinkle on a cupcake. You should also be smart enough to have a cover that isn’t going to end up here…
The problem with this novel of course is the phrase ‘you were able to write a good novel’. That would be the first step this author hasn’t done yet and they should strive for that before exploding their other covers with inception lightning.
Judging from his blurb alone it needs hours and hours and hours of work still before it got to the beta-reader stage. The second book in the series is called ‘Payback is Time to Die Again’. That isn’t a phrase that even makes any sense! If your book title needs a proofread, and you publish your book anyways, you will end up on this website.
This paperback book costs an astonishing $17.99, and the amazon page hasn’t even been set up to link to the other books in this series.
I think someone this disillusion would have no hope of completing any single step of your requirements.
Yes, it all comes back to the “if you were able to write a good novel”. If I see a terrible blurb, then chances are huge that that particular “if” hasn’t been fulfilled. Even if it’s a grammatically correct blurb that just goes on and on listing what happens in the novel, that pretty much tells me the author has no storytelling skills and the story is probably more than a little info-dumpy. So it works both ways. If you were able to write a good novel, you should be able to write a good blurb. If you are not able to write a good blurb, you’re probably unable to write a good novel as well. It’s absurd how some people don’t get that. They think a cover and a blurb is just pro forma, something the novel must have but it’s not really important.
The good thing about self-publishing is that anybody can do it. The bad thing about self-publishing is that anybody can do it.
I used to think that, but then I amended it.
The good thing about self-publishing is that anybody can do it. The BETTER thing about self-publishing is that anybody can do it AND MAKE MY NOVELS LOOK SO MUCH BETTER BY COMPARISON! 😀
Can’t decide if that’s an optimistic or an opportunistic way to look at it XD
Photobombing… errrr, previous book cover?? Whoa, it’s like Inception!
You mean like how reading this book will make it feel as though 100 years have slowly passed by when in reality only a few hours have passed?