Hall of the Mountain King

hallofthemountainking

Hall of the Mountain King

I am so, so disturbed by this.

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Rob
Rob
10 years ago

My eyes. They cannot unsee.

Penny
10 years ago

Haaaaa! OMG. This is the BEST ONE EVER! Caption is “D’uh.”

Kris
Kris
10 years ago

NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! I WANT TO THROW UP!!!!!

Jen
Jen
10 years ago
Reply to  Kris

Ditto what you said Kris a million times!!!
This cover I can’t even laugh at because
it’s so visually offensive.
I declare this cover cruelty of the highest
magnitude to any pair of human eyes.

Catie
Catie
10 years ago

This guy really looks “burly, sexual (well, he’s naked) and full of nostalgia” in a really, really disturbing way. I just can’t believe any normal person would put this on a book cover.

Just noticed, is he pulling on his nipple?

Ben Ripley
Ben Ripley
10 years ago

*speechless*

Jen
Jen
10 years ago

I unfortunately just looked at this cover again.
(NOT intentionally) and I change my mind.
NO NO NO not just a million times but to INFINITY!
SHAME ON YOU K.R. COLUMBUS!

Nancy
Nancy
10 years ago

My eyes are hemorrhaging

red
red
10 years ago

I just read the description for this book. The short version is “Ralph, I am your father.”

Oh, my.

Jen
Jen
10 years ago
Reply to  red

Oh my God! At first I didn’t understand the Ralph
connection but he TOTALLY looks like Wreck it Ralph!

Paul Briggs
10 years ago

This is the “Author’s Definitive Edition.” Try not to think about what the others must have looked like.

Jim
Jim
10 years ago
Reply to  Paul Briggs

It’s also the Softcore General Edition, apparently — one of the few instances where the toned-down version of a work is the one the creator prefers. I think this cover made me laugh more than any other one I’ve seen here; part of me still doesn’t believe it’s an actual book.

SevenSapiens
10 years ago
Reply to  Jim

Well, some people don’t consider self-published books actual books.

I disagree with them, but I certainly can understand them.

Jim
Jim
10 years ago
Reply to  SevenSapiens

The actual book has probably received more attention/hits due to this site than it ever would otherwise; I wonder whether the author would consider that a good or bad thing.

Heather
Heather
10 years ago

This is one of those times I’m actually glad for bad 3D… it would be worse if it were a REAL guy built like that and wearing (or not as the case may be) the same thing.

Nick
10 years ago

This is quite possibly the worst cover yet. I heartily approve.

Ericb
Ericb
10 years ago

Looks like he’s waiting for Forbidden Bigfoot to arrive.

Jen
Jen
10 years ago
Reply to  Ericb

I totally forgot about forbidden Big Foot!
I’m sure they’re lovers on the side.

Kris
Kris
10 years ago
Reply to  Jen

Brain bleach, please.

Bruce
Bruce
10 years ago

Before seeing this cover, I never once considered that there could be a book cover out there that Lousy Book Covers should have thought twice before displaying. 😉

Take Cover
Take Cover
10 years ago

Burly, sexual and full of pie… Actually, heck, I kinda like it.

KIDDING! Just kidding. This is a book that I’m guessing can be judged only too well from its cover. And if that’s how he behaves in the hall, I’d hate to see what he gets up to in the bedroom. Oh dear, I wish I’d never thought of that.

James F. Brown
James F. Brown
10 years ago

It occurs to me that this might be a deliberate goof, trying to get coverage on Lousy Book Covers (no pun intended).

Uh,no, on second thought I guess not. 🙁

James F. Brown
James F. Brown
10 years ago

Also, crappy font and his head is really tiny compared to that huge bloated bod.

Howard
Howard
10 years ago

What does ‘Softcore General Edition’ mean? I really hope it doesn’t mean that there is also a ‘hardcore’ edition

Howard
Howard
10 years ago

‘Burly, sexual, and full of nostalgia’ – what, like ‘Antiques Roadshow’?

Charlie
Charlie
10 years ago

Soooooo there’s almost something endearing about him, once you get past the “it’s Wreck it Ralph naked” thing (especially since the name of the love interest of this guy is Ralph). I don’t get the “full of nostalgia” angle. Nostalgia isn’t especially sexy is it?

Also… usually romance books have two people on the cover but instead of having the other dude present we get the same guy twice. Shouldn’t the slack jawed portrait on the left be his handicapped friend Ralph? Or Oberon?

SevenSapiens
10 years ago

This one is a masterpiece.

Never again you’ll find a cover that belongs to this site as much as this one does, Nathan.

Thomas A. Mays
10 years ago
Reply to  SevenSapiens

That’s a terrifying challenge filled with hubris. A cover more wrong than this might well bring about the apocalypse.

Jen
Jen
10 years ago

Nathan, I’m still traumatized by this.
Why do you want to give me nightmares?

Anna Roberts
10 years ago

I may never again be able to listen to Grieg’s Peer Gynt suite without post-traumatic hairy Play-Doh troll flashbacks. Dear God, why?

hotclaws
hotclaws
10 years ago
Reply to  Anna Roberts

IT’S MY RING TONE aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaargggggggggggggggg.

hotclaws
hotclaws
10 years ago

Oh god,I just laughed so hard,stuff came down my nose.

Jen
Jen
10 years ago

By the way, it’s been a few days since this
cover was posted but my boyfriend just
commented that Wreck it Ralph seems to
be sporting the biggest unshaven v.j of all time.
That book cover will ALWAYS be on my
SHT list.

Axolotl
Axolotl
10 years ago

If you look at the tags, it is aimed at a specific audience, the ‘bear’ scene. In other words, it’s big fat hairy gay guy fetish material. So there is a reason why the character on the front looks that way, and it probably does have appeal to the right demographic. The body on the character is not too bad so far as CGI dummies go, but the posture is rather unfortunate and the drawn-on head is crappy. The general composition of the thing, with the close-up of the badly rendered head and no attempt to incorporate it into a background, just isn’t very nice. So, it has its niche, and it’s not great, but considering its niche it isn’t awful either. I suspect a computer-generated character was used because it’s very difficult to get hold of photographs of this sort of person that would work on a ‘sexy’ book. I say this because I have written and sold to small publishers erotica novellas featuring large male characters and (usually) women, and the cover I get given invariably either doesn’t depict the male character at all, or uses a stock ‘headless torso’ out of focus. The majority of people might think books with this sort of theme sound ridiculous, but everyone has different tastes and some people do enjoy reading them (although I admit the market is not large).

This is the ‘hardcore’ one http://www.smashwords.com/books/view/85943

K.R.Columbus
K.R.Columbus
10 years ago

I am very proud of this cover and book. Love the font. lol. The book has nothing to do with Wreck it Ralph, I wrote this book years before that movie came out. But I am aware that people have their own opinion and well I AM PROUD to be part of lousy book covers. This is a very interesting page as it is. Anyhow keep the good work.
K.R.Columbus

invader horizongreen
invader horizongreen
10 years ago

Is this the stoner brother of pip the troll?