Vampire Cleaning

vampire

Vampire Cleaning

It’s a book about appreciating household chores. I don’t think my – ‘self’ really is interested.

Spread the love
10 Comments
Oldest
Newest Most Voted
Inline Feedbacks
View all comments
Lydia
Lydia
8 years ago

Only a staff of multiple housecleaners could cope with tidying up a place that large. And if I had the money to pay for others to do it, I’d never lift a finger to clean for my “self” again. And how would vampires go about it anyway? Do they use their supernatural sucking powers to replace vacuums?

Tuula
8 years ago

Very disappointed. The undead in my cellar are getting a bit smelly and refuse to bathe (somethinga about running water), I thought ‘Hello! An answer presents itself!’ – nope.

Hitch
8 years ago

You know, it’s a shame. I was all psyched for a book that would be humorous, or a humor-mystery, with vampire cleaning services–that is, a cleaning crew of vampires, cleaning something–and lo, that’s not what it is?

I stupidly clicked the link and went to the book’s page on Smashwords. Reading his or her “information” on that first page is just painful. It’s a bit like going with a buddy to an Improv, to support him/her, and suffering through a dreadful performance, with NO laughs. You know, how your insides start to curl up, and your entire body winces? Cringes in shared embarrassment?

Yeah. Like that.

misterfweem
misterfweem
8 years ago
Reply to  Hitch

I dunno. I think he nailed that A4 paper joke.

Catie
Catie
8 years ago
Reply to  Hitch

I blame you for this. I went to look inside, and when I realized that he’s talking about how to make housework bearable (which I’d pay good money to learn) I kept reading on in hopes that I’d actually learn something useable. It’s like listening to a guy who just downed a bottle of rum tell you anecdotes. He not only believes that he’s making perfect sense, he also believes he’s funny. Reading it is nearly as brain damaging as My Immortal. I think I need therapy now.

As for the answer to the million dollar question of how to make housework fun, it’s either that you should meditate on something creative while you do it, or lobotomaize yourself into thinking it actually is something creative. I didn’t really understand what the drunk dude’s point was.

I’m gonna go cry in the corner now.

Hitch
8 years ago
Reply to  Catie

Oh, wait. I’m to blame for this? Oh, nay, my friend. I warned you!

I already know the secret to making housework tolerable. Either pay someone else to do it, or learn to live with imperfection on the domestic front. (And, n.b.: you notice how none of the GUYS have mentioned this? That’s because they don’t think it’s their problem. Only women bother to think about how to juggle a full-time career, momming and housework at the same freaking time.)

Catie
Catie
8 years ago
Reply to  Hitch

I find it funny that a man wrote this book (although wrote is a bit of an exaggeration. Drunk vomited onto a keyboard would be more precise).

Another thing I find funny is his profile picture.

L-Plate Pen
L-Plate Pen
8 years ago

‘Twilight: The Domestic Chronicles?’

Hitch
8 years ago
Reply to  L-Plate Pen

LOL! ^

Naaman Brown
Naaman Brown
8 years ago

[snark] Vampire cleaning? Rewatching Bela Lugosi in “Dracula” and Bela and Carroll Borland in “Mark of the Vampire”, vampires were pretty fastidious about their personal appearance and don’t need much cleaning.

[serious] Cleaning is never fun, but I take satisfaction in the end result, even though I know it will need repeating. It’s a dirty job….