It was the happiest human sacrifice on record. Even the virgin (honestly, who believes that?) was excited! Not even the punch stain on her dress brought her down.
The author blurb cites “Edgar Allen Poe” as inspiration.
I believe it, judging the book by its cover.
I would rather sample writings inspired by Edgar Allan Poe.
Edgar Allen Poe is a kinda Alan Smithee credit for works sorta Poesque but not (eg, the movie Edgar Allen Poe’s The Haunted Palace is actually H.P. Lovecraft’s The Case of Charles Dexter Ward but the studio heads went “Lovecraft who?” and made the title more bankable).
Heck, I would rather sample writings inspired by Alan Smithee than those inspired by Edgar Allen Poe.
Bruce
9 years ago
STILL laughing at this one.
Catie
9 years ago
This can’t be serious?
“A friend’s sister and a complete village is being terrorized by a castle full of vampires, zombies, hell hounds and a thing too feared to name. What can one Lone Werewolf possibly do to end this reign of terror?”
Really now.
Am I the only one that finds zombies, vampires and werewolves terribly overdone?
Oh, where, oh where can ol’ Wolfie’s tale be,
oh, where oh where has it gone?
It’s been done to death,
So gave up its breath,
and has left him and gone on off on its own.
What about werevampires? How about werebears, wererabbits, werepanthers, weremeerkat, werellamas and werealpacas? Those are surely more original, right?
Werewolves hate Vampires. Everyone knows this common were versus undead trope. The others rivalries are less commonly known, and are so much more original when used.
Werebears hate Mummies. (But LOVE Lumberjacks)
Wererabbits hate Zombies. (Due to how fast rabbits multiply)
Werepanthers hate Ghosts. (Just like Weretigers)
Weremeerkats hate Skeltons. (Self explanatory)
Werellamas hate Liches (and Lliches)
Werealpacas don’t exist. Now you are just being Silly.
Don’t be too hard on Catie – I think she’s made the common mistake of confusing “Werealpacas” with the ubiquitous “Weird Al Packers.”
I still have the nightmare I think most of us have experienced at least once in our lifetimes. You know the one.
You’re asleep, but dreaming that you can’t sleep, so you start counting sheep.
But the sheep counting does no good. You’re getting up towards 100 goddamn sheep and the pen they’re jumping into was really only designed to hold 20, maybe 25 tops.
And now you’re trapped with all these sheep, and what had started out as a comfortable hugging sensation of being surrounded by fluffy white wooly comfort has turned into your very own muddy, stinky, itchy, tight sweater from hell.
You’re getting squeezed from all sides when suddenly you hear the noise. A crunchy, chewy noise.
Ten more sheep try to jump into the corral all at once. The fence collapses under the weight, but the ten sheep are wedged between the posts in a kind of stepping-stone pattern that leads down to the river of chocolate boobies (don’t judge me – we’ve all had this dream).
Barely a second passes between the collapse of the fence and the attack! Ahh!! It’s the Weird Al Packers! Suddenly, like crazy clown angels, they are standing on the backs of sheep all around you! You’re doomed!
Has a better question ever been asked? I think not.
Werepussy is an easy one. It is Ghosts. Cats of any kind just plain hate ghosts. Completely true. I mean, have you ever read the Rosetta Stone? That’s like the third sentence.
OMG, that was positively my giggle of the night. The Wombies got him. MWHAHAHAHAHAH. And a big thanks to Kris for the tasty set-up.
L.
9 years ago
Oh Wolfie, what have they done to you?
Take Cover
9 years ago
Magnificent!
And one delightful detail which I initially missed: the bear thing on the horse with its body on backwards has taken the trouble to cut holes in his hat for his ears!
(Or, since the ears don’t seem to be in quite the right place, he’s cut his own ears off and glued them to the top of his hat.)
Eli Nelson
9 years ago
This is a fun one.
I felt a little bad for scoffing at it when I read that the author is literally blind. But still, there are ways to ensure that you get a good cover even if you can’t actually take a look at it yourself! I actually think this cover is somewhat more enjoyable, due to the sheer ridiculousness, than many of the others by the same publisher.
Imagine if by some miracle of modern medicine they manage to restore his sight and he sees his own covers. I think the shock alone would make him go blind again.
L-Plate Pen
9 years ago
Is it bad that I LOVE this one? Love it like I want to frame it and hang it on my wall to make me smile every time I look at it?
All of the covers in this series are awe inspiring!
Well it makes me guffaw.
O.o
There are no words.
It was the happiest human sacrifice on record. Even the virgin (honestly, who believes that?) was excited! Not even the punch stain on her dress brought her down.
In thumbnail, I thought she was dancing after him.
Maybe her arms are in splints?
Love the font…
The author blurb cites “Edgar Allen Poe” as inspiration.
I believe it, judging the book by its cover.
I would rather sample writings inspired by Edgar Allan Poe.
Edgar Allen Poe is a kinda Alan Smithee credit for works sorta Poesque but not (eg, the movie Edgar Allen Poe’s The Haunted Palace is actually H.P. Lovecraft’s The Case of Charles Dexter Ward but the studio heads went “Lovecraft who?” and made the title more bankable).
Heck, I would rather sample writings inspired by Alan Smithee than those inspired by Edgar Allen Poe.
STILL laughing at this one.
This can’t be serious?
“A friend’s sister and a complete village is being terrorized by a castle full of vampires, zombies, hell hounds and a thing too feared to name. What can one Lone Werewolf possibly do to end this reign of terror?”
Really now.
Am I the only one that finds zombies, vampires and werewolves terribly overdone?
You know what hasn’t been done to death?
Vampires, zombies, werewolves, Vampires vs Werewolves, zombie vampires, vampire werewolves, 50 shades of insert the blank, werewolf zombies, zombie vampire werewolves, Glitterpires, Hairless Oiledwolves, teenage girls with no personality that are somehow protagonists, plague zombies, undead zombies, virus zombies, funny zombies, fast zombies, Frozen merchandise, slow zombies, mutant zombies, and protagonist frozen oiled mutant glitter virus vampire werezombies.
Oh, where, oh where can ol’ Wolfie’s tale be,
oh, where oh where has it gone?
It’s been done to death,
So gave up its breath,
and has left him and gone on off on its own.
A Wolfie disgraced
Had vanished from our covers
But returns with hat
What about werevampires? How about werebears, wererabbits, werepanthers, weremeerkat, werellamas and werealpacas? Those are surely more original, right?
But at least we know the village is complete. That’s good.
I just read a story about a were-pufferfish, so yeah . . .
Werewolves hate Vampires. Everyone knows this common were versus undead trope. The others rivalries are less commonly known, and are so much more original when used.
Werebears hate Mummies. (But LOVE Lumberjacks)
Wererabbits hate Zombies. (Due to how fast rabbits multiply)
Werepanthers hate Ghosts. (Just like Weretigers)
Weremeerkats hate Skeltons. (Self explanatory)
Werellamas hate Liches (and Lliches)
Werealpacas don’t exist. Now you are just being Silly.
Don’t be too hard on Catie – I think she’s made the common mistake of confusing “Werealpacas” with the ubiquitous “Weird Al Packers.”
I still have the nightmare I think most of us have experienced at least once in our lifetimes. You know the one.
You’re asleep, but dreaming that you can’t sleep, so you start counting sheep.
But the sheep counting does no good. You’re getting up towards 100 goddamn sheep and the pen they’re jumping into was really only designed to hold 20, maybe 25 tops.
And now you’re trapped with all these sheep, and what had started out as a comfortable hugging sensation of being surrounded by fluffy white wooly comfort has turned into your very own muddy, stinky, itchy, tight sweater from hell.
You’re getting squeezed from all sides when suddenly you hear the noise. A crunchy, chewy noise.
Ten more sheep try to jump into the corral all at once. The fence collapses under the weight, but the ten sheep are wedged between the posts in a kind of stepping-stone pattern that leads down to the river of chocolate boobies (don’t judge me – we’ve all had this dream).
Barely a second passes between the collapse of the fence and the attack! Ahh!! It’s the Weird Al Packers! Suddenly, like crazy clown angels, they are standing on the backs of sheep all around you! You’re doomed!
And, if you’re lucky, this is when you wake up.
Hubby wants to know, what about werepussy? And werecock?
Has a better question ever been asked? I think not.
Werepussy is an easy one. It is Ghosts. Cats of any kind just plain hate ghosts. Completely true. I mean, have you ever read the Rosetta Stone? That’s like the third sentence.
Werecock is more interesting. They don’t really have a nemesis, but they are very afraid of Banshees. For obvious reasons… https://lousybookcovers.com/?p=11955#comment-area
Weres that wascally wabbit?
Wombies got him. A shame really.
OMG, that was positively my giggle of the night. The Wombies got him. MWHAHAHAHAHAH. And a big thanks to Kris for the tasty set-up.
Oh Wolfie, what have they done to you?
Magnificent!
And one delightful detail which I initially missed: the bear thing on the horse with its body on backwards has taken the trouble to cut holes in his hat for his ears!
(Or, since the ears don’t seem to be in quite the right place, he’s cut his own ears off and glued them to the top of his hat.)
This is a fun one.
I felt a little bad for scoffing at it when I read that the author is literally blind. But still, there are ways to ensure that you get a good cover even if you can’t actually take a look at it yourself! I actually think this cover is somewhat more enjoyable, due to the sheer ridiculousness, than many of the others by the same publisher.
I for one am incensed that the book cover makers took advantage of a blind author. Maybe that explain a lot of lousy book covers?
That would certainly explain a lot.
Oh, please tell me that that isn’t true. The author is blind? Mother of God.
Imagine if by some miracle of modern medicine they manage to restore his sight and he sees his own covers. I think the shock alone would make him go blind again.
Is it bad that I LOVE this one? Love it like I want to frame it and hang it on my wall to make me smile every time I look at it?
Not bad at all. This is the same reason that I own two DVDs of STARCRASH.