The oak may be erect but it’s got a mouth like a vagina.
And I think the dancer beside the tree
came out of that, um, cavity.
(Like my poetry?)
Now, the dancing babe pasted so obviously in the front? Those cannot be her legs. She’s a pseudo-human Frankenwhore. I mean, WTF is up with that forehead?
And green type on sage background. Did she think we’d be able to read that here at LBC, the Cranky Old Critics’ Home?
What’s she going to wipe her bum on when she’s finished? There aren’t any leaves.
Ericb
10 years ago
You know, I was half joking yesterday but now I’m serious. The LBC website really had been an education for me. From this books webpage:
“Floraphilia- The act of sexualizing plant life or floral vegetation.
Meet Bernadine Lestrad, lonely and love sick for a certain Mighty Oak. Excited by her chance meeting with the object of her affection, will she get her ‘happy ending’ after all?”
So when I see Nathan apply the tag “bringing sexy back” I should assume [sarcasm]bringing sexy back[/sarcasm]. Got it. I may be slow at times, but I catch up.
I think Ms. Foreground Lady is executing the absolute worst attempt at an erotic pose in the history of the human race.
The balletic en pointe lady in the background, OTOH, isn’t half bad. Why the heck couldn’t the perpetrator of this cover have just zoomed in on her and her (presumed) snuggle-buddy tree and left it at that?
In Australia, we call the beautiful act of coupling, “having a root”. Which may apply in this case.
On the other hand, when an American says, “We’re all rooting for you”, we often think, “No need for extremes.”
Naaman Brown
10 years ago
Oak? That has bugged me. I had to go to Wikipedia and look up a picture of an oak. If that is an oak tree, that must be one from Nahum Gardner’s farm, the one blighted in H.P. Lovecraft’s tale “The Colour Out of Space”. The oaks around St. Luke’s Methodist Church never looked like that mutant ent on that cover.
That bugged me too. But I’m pretty sure it is in fact an oak, albeit one that’s been pollarded or, more likely, struck by lightning at least once. But that’s probably nothing compared to what the, ahem, lady on the cover has in store for him… Good luck, Woody! Close your eyes and get that xylem pumping.
OMG I just thought: what if they breed?! Won’t somebody think of the acorns!?
I found a match for that tree. Check out stills from the 2011 movie Hollow billed as “the British Blair Witch” at IMDb. Big ugly hollow tree with a bad rep.
TakeCover
10 years ago
Oh what the heck. If you want to fuck an oak, go right ahead. But why did you have to pick such an ugly one?
The oak may be erect but it’s got a mouth like a vagina.
And I think the dancer beside the tree
came out of that, um, cavity.
(Like my poetry?)
Now, the dancing babe pasted so obviously in the front? Those cannot be her legs. She’s a pseudo-human Frankenwhore. I mean, WTF is up with that forehead?
And green type on sage background. Did she think we’d be able to read that here at LBC, the Cranky Old Critics’ Home?
Ease off. She has Klingon ancestry, and is damn proud of it.
Klingon? I dunno. Looks more like Distorted Mannequinism to me. Although Klingons aren’t too discerning so any vagina in a solar storm, I suppose.
The woman in the foreground looks like she’s about to take a crap.
THAT’S WHAT I THOUGHT! 😉
What’s she going to wipe her bum on when she’s finished? There aren’t any leaves.
You know, I was half joking yesterday but now I’m serious. The LBC website really had been an education for me. From this books webpage:
“Floraphilia- The act of sexualizing plant life or floral vegetation.
Meet Bernadine Lestrad, lonely and love sick for a certain Mighty Oak. Excited by her chance meeting with the object of her affection, will she get her ‘happy ending’ after all?”
Treant erotica?
Too late. Already did that.
Wow, Nathan. You weren’t kidding the other day.
Apparently, there’s a sexual fetish for anything.
You’re not kidding, I just checked Google found out that there is even a fire fetish. I’d imagine that could get dangerous.
Whoa! Singed hair you know where!
Gives ‘flaming loins’ a whole new meaning.
So when I see Nathan apply the tag “bringing sexy back” I should assume [sarcasm]bringing sexy back[/sarcasm]. Got it. I may be slow at times, but I catch up.
Bringing sexy bark.
Golly! Wondering just what that chick wants The Erect Oak to do…
Sometimes a tree is just a tree …
Possibly, but those red things aren’t eyes. They are nipples. This is worse than Floraphilia! This is Homosexual Floraphilia!
I wonder if From Hell It Came is her favorite movie:
http://api.ning.com/files/MyY8NVYs498swkct8AjgDkgJCq6RDdoluZs8PjgFhELH9a0L58F-2J*SCAAmzx35FW-exfKN8IMiMlN*XaLGNay37zKTHcGi/2689190503_f007d95648Tabanga2.jpg
I think Ms. Foreground Lady is executing the absolute worst attempt at an erotic pose in the history of the human race.
The balletic en pointe lady in the background, OTOH, isn’t half bad. Why the heck couldn’t the perpetrator of this cover have just zoomed in on her and her (presumed) snuggle-buddy tree and left it at that?
Well, if you are about to do a tree that’s probably the pose you need to take.
Title in Papyrus Ital without a photobombing wolfie. Fer shame.
More proof that the adult filter on Smashwords is a very useful thing.
Dear God, I don’t even…
In Australia, we call the beautiful act of coupling, “having a root”. Which may apply in this case.
On the other hand, when an American says, “We’re all rooting for you”, we often think, “No need for extremes.”
Oak? That has bugged me. I had to go to Wikipedia and look up a picture of an oak. If that is an oak tree, that must be one from Nahum Gardner’s farm, the one blighted in H.P. Lovecraft’s tale “The Colour Out of Space”. The oaks around St. Luke’s Methodist Church never looked like that mutant ent on that cover.
That bugged me too. But I’m pretty sure it is in fact an oak, albeit one that’s been pollarded or, more likely, struck by lightning at least once. But that’s probably nothing compared to what the, ahem, lady on the cover has in store for him… Good luck, Woody! Close your eyes and get that xylem pumping.
OMG I just thought: what if they breed?! Won’t somebody think of the acorns!?
I found a match for that tree. Check out stills from the 2011 movie Hollow billed as “the British Blair Witch” at IMDb. Big ugly hollow tree with a bad rep.
Oh what the heck. If you want to fuck an oak, go right ahead. But why did you have to pick such an ugly one?
Got wood?
So who used some franken twine on that tree.
My brain just melted and is now pouring out of my eye sockets.
Haha, thanks for posting this. For everyone that wants to know if she gets her happy ending… http://badlitmakestheworldgoround.tumblr.com/post/95032396935/bernadines-has-always-had-a-thing-for-trees-has
That was High-Larious.
Bless you.
It’s been a few years…but I’m pretty sure that’s the Macarena she’s doing.