Back in May, I posted a “sex with the Loch Ness monster” novel. The following three covers demonstrate that that was, sadly, not a unique offering. (h/t DED)
![cover[1]](https://lousybookcovers.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/05/cover173.jpg)
![cover[1]](https://lousybookcovers.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/05/cover174.jpg)
![cover[1]](https://lousybookcovers.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/05/cover175.jpg)
Finding the Loch Ness Tentacle Creature
Back in May, I posted a “sex with the Loch Ness monster” novel. The following three covers demonstrate that that was, sadly, not a unique offering. (h/t DED)
Finding the Loch Ness Tentacle Creature
I’m an avid reader of tentacle erotica myself. No joke.
But those covers? Oh. My. God. So not sexy. I’m not even tempted to read those stories.
And how could the author not see that the head of the girl was missing its top on the first cover?
Where is the rest of the creature that’s supposed to be hugging that guy in the bottom one? Or is it more bad tattoos?
Ha-ha, in that second one, Nessie has laser beams shooting outta her eyes!
Goddess, save us, these are laughably awful and not the least bit erotic. Nessie wrecks, all of them.
At least these books are educational. I, for one, did not know that Loch Ness is apparently located in Yosemite.
Why am I more disturbed by the fact that these authors don’t seem to know that the Loch Ness Monster is a girl than by the fact that random people are getting molested by her?
Perhaps because I live beside a lake that also has a ‘Nessie’, but he is a boy? Now he could do some ladies, and a tattoo guy easy! He is cool like that.
Is your boy Memphre or is it Ogopogo?
The more badass of the two. So Ogopogo. He is a genuine Boss.
Literally. In Final Fantasy Four. He is the very last and strongest Monster-in-a-Box.
That is badass Tentacle power right there.
LOL
So, Cora H<3rt's took me a while. I couldn't figure out
WE RE LOCH
NESS MONSTER
I thought maybe she meant We're Loch Ness Monster. Some kind of use of the Royal WE for our favorite monster.
Then it occurred to me that she might actually mean – Were-Loch-Ness-Monster.
OMG!
Doesn't quite have the same ring as Werewolf. It doesn't even roll off the tongue as easily as, say, Were-Dentist (a concept I'm creating for the Society of Doctors of Dental Science).
But the imagery is even harder to wrap my head around. Does this mean that a human somehow has to add 50 times his or her own mass every full moon?
Or maybe he or she has to carry that mass around all the time – just in a much denser package than most of us?
I'm sorry to say, it beggars belief. I'm willing to suspend disbelief for a lot of shit.
But. Not. This.
I played Cards Against Humanity this weekend, and one of the cards that came up was “Loch Ness Monster porn”. After everyone finished laughing, I had to explain that it was a real thing that they could find on Amazon. They were stunned.