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Empress Theresa

cover[1]

Empress Theresa

For your viewing pleasure, I give you a choice between the original version, and the new’n’improved one:

cover[1]

(h/t Stephanie)

Comments

  1. Her breasts (on the second cover) are in a location where breasts aren’t normally found on a woman.

  2. The new one is slightly better, but the first one is so bad that “slightly” doesn’t really make much difference. It would be slightly more better if the title and author weren’t written twice. Or maybe I should say slightly less horrible.

  3. This guy (the author, that is) was posting spam comments on Amazon reviews of unrelated stuff to try to drive traffic to his book. He’s also been banned from the Absolute Write forums.

  4. The top one reminds me of a book of paper dolls I had as a child. The bottom one is proof that the author has never seen a woman since he has no idea where breasts belong.

  5. He should go to Shutterstock, Dreamstime, or one of several different stock sites. It’s really not that expensive.

    I just did a search for “military woman” and came up with dozens – some in dubious taste, but whatever – so there’s no excuse for a drawing, glowing boobs notwithstanding. 😉

    And get thee to Font Squirrel for real, live fonts! 🙂

    1. I’ll reply to myself with a further thought – what the heck genre is this? Military adventure? Military fantasy? I mean, with self publishing being what it is, there are plenty of mash ups of different genres, but I don’t get a clear idea as to what genre this might be.

  6. Check out my latest and FINAL cover.
    Notice how far better it is than the graphic design junk you sell to naive writers.

    I dare you to put it on your website.

    I know you won’t

    1. My guess is that your message is meant to be challenging, but it ends up more confusing than anything else.

      Notice how far better it is than the graphic design junk you sell to naive writers.

      Um… I’m not selling ANYTHING to “naive writers” (unlike you, of course, good sir). I’ve designed some book covers, but those are mostly for friends, and I don’t promote those services here.

      I dare you to put it on your website.

      I know you won’t

      Are you saying that your cover is so great that I wouldn’t dare to post it here because [insert reason that makes sense to you]? Actually, I’ll post it right here:

      Your art skills (assuming you are your own cover artist) are improving somewhat, but still a long way from a professional level. Frankly, if this third cover were the first one I had seen, I’d STILL post it here.

      1. This may be the funniest of all. Just when I thought it had finished giving, I scrolled down and found it kept on going for another two whole buttons.

  7. Nancy said:

    “I’ll reply to myself with a further thought – what the heck genre is this? Military adventure? Military fantasy? I mean, with self publishing being what it is, there are plenty of mash ups of different genres, but I don’t get a clear idea as to what genre this might be.”

    It probably fits best in the ‘contemporary women’ genre.

    Theresa is 18 and 19 through most of the story, chapters 4 thru 28. It’s not a Young Adult novel. She gets through the high school years without the problems common to adolescents: bad parents, bullying, drugs, boy problems and all that.

    Theresa deals in the adult world. She deals with problems in the present day world. She deals with problems on a global scale. Heads of state come to her asking for favors.

    The military aspect of the cover image is only relevant to one chapter. Theresa becomes an Army five star general to lead a 50,000 man South Korean army into North Korea. Other than that, the plot is secular.

    1. “The military aspect of the cover image is only relevant to one chapter.”

      Then the cover is false advertising?

    2. Okay not all adolescents go thru bad parents, bullying, drugs, boy problems and all that. I had a rather uneventful adolescents. Wonderful parents, no bullying, boy problems and all that. I am over forty and happy to say I never once tried drugs (not including prescription that was required to health).

      Still do not see how any of the covers work with this book. After reading chapter one in the preview it really needs a story editor & copy editor. In several areas there is extra space and the story just does not flow.

      Sorry looks like every thing about this book needs some work. Grants I am not a designer or an author. I am a READER! The person you are trying to market the book to. Honestly I would not read or even think twice about reading this book.

      1. There’s something about a negative, attacking thread like this that attracts other negative critics.

        Suzie wrote:
        ” After reading chapter one in the preview it really needs a story editor & copy editor. In several areas there is extra space and the story just does not flow.

        Sorry looks like every thing about this book needs some work. Grants I am not a designer or an author. I am a READER! The person you are trying to market the book to. Honestly I would not read or even think twice about reading this book.”

        You didn’t even read the book. You can’t know what it’s like, or even what it’s about.

        My boss told his wife, whom I never met, about my book. She asked him to borrow a copy from me.
        The woman, whose name I can’t give because of her sensitive position, is the curriculum coordinator of a university near here. So this is a mature and well-educated woman.
        SHE READ THE BOOK IN ONE NIGHT AND SAID IT WAS WELL WRITTEN.

        1. Sorry Norm I have followed Nathan for several years. he was at tumblr(?) and moved.

          I enjoy looking at the crappy covers posted. Why? Because if an author is willing to post a crappy book cover that means the story within is crappy.

          As stated before I read chapter one. IF you cannot catch a reader with the preview then they will NOT waste money to buy the book. The story is choppy and does not flow.

          Looking at the review only a reader can see extra spaces between words, choppy speech, and a story that just does not seem interesting.

          You are trying to target readers (people like me) that purchase books to read and leave a review.

          Again, YOU really need a story & copy editor.

          If you cannot take any negativity about the book then why did you publish it. Did you actually think every reader would simply think it was a classic, boast about buying & reading the book?

          I can tell if I will enjoy a book by reading the first chapter. If you do not believe than then sorry. I can read a 300-400 page book in about 4 hours.

          1. Suzie wrote:

            “I can tell if I will enjoy a book by reading the first chapter.”

            Then you will never read
            Tale of Two Cities.
            Anna Kerinina,
            Gone With The Wind,
            or any book that doesn’t have a murder, explosion or crime in the first few pages.

            In Empress Theresa,
            Theresa tells you many things about herself as a ten year old on page one, and tells you:
            “All the Sullivans of Framingham, Massachusetts expected great things of me.
            ( and in the second paragraph tells you: )
            Nobody could have dreamed of the things I’d do a few years later and nobody would have believed it they’d been told…………”
            On page three a mysterious “white thing” jumps from a fox into Theresa.
            If that isn’t enough to stimulate your curiosity,
            then we part ways here. Good luck.

            1. Actually I re-read Gone with the Wind each year. I have a first edition copy. My son and I had nightly discussions while we read Tale of Two Cities together. I also have read Anna Kerinina. Along with Anne Frank, To Kill A Mockingbird, and most classics.

              Just because I did NOT like the first chapter of your book does NOT mean I only read about murder, explosion or crime. I do read certain non-fiction books.

              What you call a white thing jumping from a fox into Theresa just did not seem to flow. Sorry it seemed forces.

              Why don’t you browse a book store and read the first few chapters of actually published authors and look at the covers. That MIGHT give you an idea about how books should flow and what a cover should actually look like. A painting is NOT a book cover.

              1. Suzie wrote:

                “Why don’t you browse a book store and read the first few chapters of actually published authors and look at the covers. That MIGHT give you an idea about how books should flow and what a cover should actually look like. A painting is NOT a book cover.”

                I have read many recent books, Johh Grisham’s “The Firm” etc etc to see what contemporary writers are doing.

                You haven’t defined flow. If what you mean is that you don’t understand everything that happened in chapter one and don’t know where the story is going,
                well, yeah, you can’t know where the story is going in the first chapter. Read Agatha Christie’s “Murder on the Nile”, one of my favorites. There are many scenes and situations in the opening chapters which are incomprehensible until everything is brought together late in the story, but you know that’s the kind of story Christie writes.

                As for: “what a cover should actually look like. A painting is NOT a book cover.”
                I have walked through bookstores deliberately looking at book covers. Did so just last week. There are three kinds covers: photographs of young people for Young Adult novels, graphic designs that you don’t know what they represent, and paintings of people standing around usually for Westerns. Amish, or books of that nature.
                The classics section, if the store has one, has covers with old paintings. What’s wrong with a painting?

                Anyways, my purpose in checking the covers in bookstores was to see which one grabbed my attention more than my own. I haven’t seen one that could do that yet.

                You seem to be rigid in your opinions.
                Theresa is not rigid at all, except in matters of morality. She must radically changes her ideas about many things in the world. For example: she has no interest in politics but must become involved in political matters for humanitarian reasons.
                By the end of the story she has changed a lot (
                “How did I come so far?”) yet she is still basically the same personality she was in the first three chapters before anything important happened. Prime Minister Blair tells the British Parliament, “A woman who puts her trust in a higher power will be unchanged. Theresa will remain Theresa.” ( chap 8 )

                1. Anyways, my purpose in checking the covers in bookstores was to see which one grabbed my attention more than my own. I haven’t seen one that could do that yet.

                  And after that stunning display of hubris, what more needs to be said? Thus, I am closing the comments.

    3. Wait, so…if the picture is only relevant to a small part of the book, then why is it being used as the cover illustration?

      1. Nick said:
        “Wait, so…if the picture is only relevant to a small part of the book, then why is it being used as the cover illustration?”

        What book cover, or movie poster, can tell the entire story?
        It’s impossible.

        My cover shows Theresa in a position of authority which is based on her awesome powers. It gives a taste of what the book is about.

  8. Nathan,
    That is not the latest cover. It is the KINDLE edition cover which hasn’t been updated yet ( except in the KINDLE Store )
    The latest cover can be seen in the Paperback version. The sky is a darker blue than in the version you showed.

    In any case,
    you didn’t put it up at the head of the thread where it should be and where it would be seen by people.
    I knew you wouldn’t. It would make your sad cover designs look ridiculous.

    Latest cover design can be seen on empresstheresa.com,

    1. Oh good lord, Norman. You’re not exactly making it easy for me — the Amazon link at the very start of this thread isn’t where the book is anymore, apparently.

      And you seem to have a ridiculously high opinion of yourself. So here’s what I’ll do: I’ll post in on the FRONT PAGE of the site. Heck, I’ll make it sticky for a couple of days so everyone can get a good look. And then, when a dozen people tell you that your cover sucks, you can get all mad at them because you’re soooo much more talented than they realize.

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