There’s An Orc In My Ass! (The Comely Conjurer Book 2)

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There’s An Orc In My Ass! (The Comely Conjurer Book 2)

I don’t want to live on this planet anymore. (h/t Catie)

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Waffles
Waffles
9 years ago

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
I approve so much.

… I mean… uh… for shame?
Nah. Can’t do it. Sorry. I love this.

The cover needs work though.

Catie
Catie
9 years ago
Reply to  Waffles

In case you haven’t sneaked a peak, the free sample ends with “Pound me, you old war horse!” I’m tempted.

waffles
waffles
9 years ago
Reply to  Catie

odD as in the title it seems like that orc ended up there by accident when she wasn’t looking!
Like she tripped and fell on it. Like they ever believe that story in the emergency room.

Catie
Catie
9 years ago
Reply to  waffles

Well, that wasn’t the orc yet. The main character accidentally ran into her mercenary (a woman) doing some old guy doggie style. But from what I gather from the description, she later exchanges sexual favors for information. That appears to be the theme of the whole series. So, definitely not an accident 😀 But that shouldn’t ruin an awesome title.

waffles
waffles
9 years ago
Reply to  Catie

But it’s only 3300 words! That’s a lot of old guy and mercenary friend plot to get through.
How will the orc fit? (see what I did there?)

Catie
Catie
9 years ago
Reply to  waffles

Apparently the author is applying the “lets infodump everything in the first page” technique to save space. Apparently it’s a very popular technique with the very short, badly written, overly priced, often erotic self-published stories on Amazon. I believe it was also used in the famous

Maybe it’s a very small orc, that would explain a lot. Or maybe comely means big-butted?

jic
jic
9 years ago
Reply to  Catie

So famous, you don’t have to mention it by name?

Catie
Catie
9 years ago
Reply to  jic

Bah. I get so easily distracted I leave in the middle of a comment. Just ignore that last sentence attempt 🙂

L-Plate Pen
L-Plate Pen
9 years ago
Reply to  Catie

It has a five-star review though! As in, ONE five-star review. And oh boy, is that ever a ‘review’ you would TOTALLY trust..!

Catie
Catie
9 years ago
Reply to  L-Plate Pen

What, it’s an awesome review! Don’t know what it has to do with the book and I don’t understand half of it, but it’s awesome.

Ben
Ben
9 years ago

I tried to think of something witty to say in the comments here.

But really…I mean really…this just speaks for itself in so many ways…

Ben
Ben
9 years ago

By the way…$2.99 for 12 pages?

Lemme think on that. No.

James F. Brown
James F. Brown
9 years ago

“There’s An Orc In My Ass!”

How did he squeeze in there past your head?

Carol Van Natta
9 years ago

What the heck is that flesh-colored bulbous object next to the word “IN” supposed to be? Even turning the rotating the image (which is a relief in some ways) doesn’t help. It looks like a tumor on the redhead’s shoulder, which she presumably thought would be great place for a tattoo.

jic
jic
9 years ago

I think that actually is her shoulder. Speaking of shoulders, the purple-haired woman appears to have had her right arm amputated at hers.

Robbie
Robbie
9 years ago

I was so distracted by trying to figure out how the figures were supposed to be positioned that I nearly overlooked the misspelling of “conjurer”. But only nearly.

L-Plate Pen
L-Plate Pen
9 years ago

“There’s an Orc in My Ass!”

I can imagine the next Emergency Room Staff Christmas party even now: “Hey, d’you remember that time that woman came in… you know, the one with the dodgy tattoo..?”

joiless
joiless
8 years ago

An entire orc? That seems… biologically improbable. Unless maybe she’s a giantess.