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Even Closer Than the Sea and Other Stories: Strange Tales of Mystery, Horror and Science Fiction

Even Closer Than the Sea and Other Stories: Strange Tales of Mystery, Horror and Science Fiction



  1. Less would have been better. Title, author, seascape, maybe a hint of something lurking indistinct on the horizon.

  2. Ohhh….you friggin’ sacks o’ shit. I am the author, and YES, I did design this cover. Did I design my own cover because I’m a struggling artist with little money, and wanted to minimize my costs? Hardly. I did it because, quite frankly, the vast majority of professional graphic artists lack my transcendent vision and unparalleled genius.

    Let me explain to you dotards the scope of this cover’s magnificence. First of all, the background shot was taken on the coast of Rockport, Mass. Oh, what a coincidence—several stories in the collection are set within five miles of that photograph. We wouldn’t want a cover picture to have any specific significance to the actual writing now, would we? And let’s examine the “random images from the internet.” Oh look, there’s a picture of Jupiter and one of its moons. Why, what does that have to do with anything? Hey, what a random bit of serendipity: one of the stories is set on Jupiter’s moon Europa. And a 19th century photograph of a crypto-zoological hoax of a sea monster? That makes no sense at all to put that image up–what, are there stories of 19th century sea monsters in this collection? Oh, there are? And another random photo, this one of two 19th century samurai? Why, it’s almost as if one of the stories would be set in…19th century Japan…and is about two samurai. Oh yeah, it is. Who could have possibly foreseen that?

    Insinuating that these images were “randomly selected from the internet” is about as accurate as saying that I “randomly” buy extra-large condoms, as if there is no actual connection to that purchase choice and the size of my penis.

    I can say without hyperbole that when I was finished with this cover, I knew it was probably the best cover of any fiction book released in 2016 (at least in the United States), and I spent several hours just marveling at my own brilliance. And I say that in complete humility. I might add that it’s not just my subjective opinion: several relatives and nearly half of my close friends agreed that it was pretty good.

    I understand that you semi-literate cretins prefer your Fabio-modeled Harlequin Romance covers, and so yes, I can see why you would be disappointed in mine.

    I shan’t be responding further to this thread, because like all artists of great genius I have a thick skin, and I don’t feel the need to respond to any mild internet criticism with lengthy tirades.

    1. I… honestly can’t tell if this is actually the clueless author, or the most wonderful parody ever.

          1. P.S., Nathan: I expect that it is indeed the author–yeah, verily, the name is the same, but I checked out the book and our Phantom Poster describes the stories with more detail than I’d expect from a prankster.

            However, author: I seriously wish that your cover was 1/10th as clever as your rant. Classic cover design, first-time author errors.

        1. Well, the author is apparently a funny guy with a great sense of humour, if nothing else. That was a pretty good rant.

          1. If it’s the author. If it is, I might buy the book–but, author of unparalleled genius, that would be in spite of the cover, I’m sorry to say.

            Suffering through the cover was worth it, though, to read that hilarious rant. Whomever that masked man was!

            1. I’m torn. Citing the expressed views of friends and family while claiming both genius and humility is a nice touch, but the second post sort of ruins the pre-emptive ‘flounce’ at the end of the first.

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